If you're answering about things you have no experience with, go with your gut on what you feel like you want. When you're answering, figure this is about now: not right this very second, but in your life overall at this time and over the next few months. Take your time, especially with areas or questions you haven't thought about before or haven't had experience with yet. (It makes a fine bedfellow for our Sex Readiness Checklist, too!)Ģ) First do it alone. Or, you can print it out using this PDF file, and fill it in by hand. ¿Prefieres leer en español? Tenemos "Sí, no, quizá" aquí.ġ) You can either just read through it online, using it as a mental self-evaluation tool or talking with a partner as you both scroll through it. So, we've made one specifically for Scarleteen readers including all the issues you ask us about and we've talked about together over the years. They've been used for a long time by sexuality educators, sex therapists, communities, couples and individuals, and they can be seriously useful tools. Yes, No and Maybe lists aren't something we invented. We might also sometimes find ourselves feeling inclined to only say what we think a partner wants to hear, or only responding to what they bring up rather than putting our own stuff on the table and initiating our own questions. It can feel like being asked what you want to eat at a restaurant without having a menu to even know your options. When sex is newer to us, we may not even have a sense of all there is to talk about. It might be particularly tough to start these conversations if talking about sex openly and out loud is something you've never done. Someone might ask what you do or don't like, or what may or may not be okay with you, and you may find you - or a partner, when they're asked - have a hard time knowing how to respond. Starting deep and honest communication about sex can be daunting, especially in areas which can be more loaded, tricky or where we feel vulnerable. We can't just know or guess what we or others want or need, like or dislike, are or are not okay with: we need to communicate those things and have them communicated to us. It's the best way to assure everyone is fully and freely consenting and physically and emotionally safe to help sex and sexual relationships be as satisfying, positive and awesome as they can be. Clear, truthful and open communication is a must with partnered sex.
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